Dear G2 from the Makers of Gatorade,
I noticed that you were called "G2" in the drugstore when I went to pick up TheraFlu, Kleenex, and ramen noodles just now, but I chose to ignore it. My head is too congested to try to figure out what "G2" means and how it is related to regular Gatorade. I just wanted the electrolytes, okay? But then I got home, and it was revealed to me: you are low-calorie. How this is possible when your second ingredient is high fructose corn syrup (the first being WATER), I don't know. And you know what? I don't think I want to know. If I grow a second head in the next couple of days, I'll know why.
But you know what, G2? You're okay. You do taste a lot like the syrup that gets drizzled on a Hawaiian Shave Ice at Summerfest, but in my physically-compromised state, I am a-ok with that. I feel more hydrated already.
It is, in fact, in me.