Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Dear Greek Barbecue Sauce,

apparently, these tenders are from the Hard Rock Cafe[photo via kirstiefuller]

Dear Greek Barbecue Sauce,

When I requested "all the sauces" with my order of chicken tenders last night at my favorite diner, I assumed I would probably get honey mustard, ranch, and barbecue. What arrived were the first two sauces and something that just looked like mayonnaise, but turned out to be Caesar dressing (which, by the by, is gross on chicken tenders).

"I'm not particularly enamored of this sauce," I said to the overly-friendly server.
"Do you want...THE BACKUP SAUCE?" he asked.
"Backup sauce? I asked for all the sauces!"
"This one is special."

He returned moments later, stirring a small bowl of what appeared to be French dressing.

"Did he make that sauce?" asked one of my dining companions, incredulous at and possibly disgusted by the possibility.

"I'll let you figure out what it is," the server said as he set it down in front of us.
Sweet and sour? No.
French dressing? No.
Barbecue-like...but no.

"It's Greek barbecue sauce. There's honey in it," he informed us after a time.*

Greek barbecue sauce, if you really ARE Greek barbecue sauce, you are delicious. I don't actually care much for regular barbecue sauce, but you have just enough tangy sweetness to satisfy this honey-mustard devotee. I'll make sure next time, you won't be the backup sauce - you'll be the only sauce.


*Note: a Google search returned only one recipe for Greek barbecue sauce, and I see copious amounts of red wine, but no honey.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Dear Bluefly Accessory Wall,

after this photo was taken I installed like 6 more shelves, and by 'I' I mean 'my roommate's boyfriend'
Dear Bluefly Accessory Wall,

I feel like I'd just started getting to know you when you were ripped away from me and replaced with the Macy's Accessory Wall. Frankly, this makes me woeful. I am woeful, Johnny. Bluefly is a much more hilarious name, and Macy's already has so many sponsorships. Taking the Accessory Wall from you and giving it to Macy's is like ripping a piece of candy from a poverty-stricken child's hands and presenting it to the CEO of Hershey's.

So I'm building a memorial to you in my new bedroom. I hope you like it. There will be many shelves. What you see above is a start.

Auf wiedersehen,

Friday, September 11, 2009

Dear Infinity,

listen, this shit is totally topical because this room is called the Infinity Room. it's at the house on the rock. LOOK IT UP.[photo via John Kroll]
Dear Infinity,

Yo, I know you're, like, infinite and shit, I know that's like your thing or whatever, but seriously, it's harshing my buzz. Try not to be so vast for a second. God.

Love you forever,