[photo courtesy pirate johnny]
Dear Mr. Clean Magic Eraser,
I know I'm late to the party, but DAMN. You are a remarkable piece of equipment. I am an occasional bathtub cleaner at best (living alone encourages my Pigpen-like qualities), and decided to try you out last night.
Holy shit, man.
You wiped away soap scum and those gross rings that you get around your shampoo bottles with ease. You took fucking RUST off the area around my faucet (very old fixtures). You demolished mold. I barely even had to scrub. And yet, somehow you didn't sear the flesh from my hand. I don't know what you are, or how you are. All I know is that you are amazing, and my bathtub will never be the same.
Thank you, Mr. Clean. I've always liked bald men.