Dear Spa Castle,

[photo via international friendly]

Dear Spa Castle,

Let's be honest... we've experienced so much together that... really... there's not much that we can add with paltry words. But I will try.

I knew from the moment that I was instructed to store my shoes in my very own shoe locker, opened with my magnetic wristwatch key, that we were going to share something special together. After donning our uniforms and making our way up to the 3rd floor pools and jacuzzis, I could tell there was something different about you. Was it your dozen different massaging jet setups spread across four different pools? Was it the giant yellow mushroom that rained down warm water, seeming more at home in an LSD hallucination than a family spa water park? Or maybe it was the bright green Gatorade jacuzzi "event tub", brimming with warm water and the slightest hint of aromatherapy? The answer is yes, yes, and yes.

When I felt the firm pressure of the giant water jets beat the stress out of my neck and shoulders, it became clear: this wasn't some cheap date. This was the real thing. You were not fucking around, and neither was I. And yet, it was the gentle trickle of water down the back in front of a flatscreen displaying a communist-themed Spongebob Squarepants that showed me how your tenderness could relax every muscle in my back. Your dumplings were amply sized, and delicious.

And then the saunas... I've never experienced such heat, such passion. I could feel your hot breath leech the toxins out of my very skin. It was the kind of heat that had me sweating more than I had in recent memory, and not the gross humidity sweat of New York City summer, but the sweat of a burning cleanse. It was a rollercoaster ride of temperatures, from the 150-degree colortherapy sauna to the 55 degree, ice-walled "Ice Land" sauna, to the fantastically sweltering 187 degree Loess sauna.

But the piece de resistance came in the men's- and women's-only "naked rooms". There, I went from the near-scalding hot bath to the cool bath, enthralling me in the drastic temp change. From the cool tub into the Jasmine tub, back to the cool tub, and then into a tub with jets to soothe the back one more time. Finally, a few minutes in the nude hot sauna to get out the last of the toxins, and then an exfoliating shower, followed by a shave and shampoo at an ingenious half shower/half sink, all capped off with a complimentary toothbrush and toothpaste, to give me that "just cleaned" feeling.

Usually sharing something this primal makes me feel dirty (in a good way), but I left you feeling cleaner than I had in... ages.Hopefully we'll be able to do this again, someday...



-Charlie.