[photo via bestweekever]
Dear Sassy Office Gay,
Occasionally I like to imagine myself as the leading lady in a cliched romantic comedy, as I'm sure many ladies do from time to time. This is probably unhealthy in a number of ways, but I don't care about that. That is not what this letter is about.
One thing that a Romantic Comedy Lady often has is a Wise Sassy Friend. Now, these friends are pretty much two-dimensional stock characters. They speak primarily in catchphrases, say "girlfriend" a lot, and only show up when the RCL needs some sass injected - and quick. The Wise Sassy Friend in a big, Hollywood, white-ladies-targeted romantic comedy tends to take one of two forms: the Wise Sassy Non-White* Lady, or the Wise Sassy Gay.
Now, I have actual non-white lady friends in my life, and I have actual gay friends in my life, and I assure you, these people, while occasionally sassy, and usually wise, bear little resemblance to the Wise Sassy Stereotypes you see in the movies, because they are real people who have multiple dimensions and shit. Which is where you come in, Sassy Office Gay.
I only see you at work, and even then, not often, as you work on the other side of the floor. But every time I see you, you call me "sweetie" and compliment my outfit. Today, you told me you were going to "steal my dress and wear it." Because I only see you occasionally, every interaction I have with you is only a tiny window into your actual personality, so you are more two-dimensional than my actual Wise Sassy Friends. I feel like if I broke up with my boyfriend (not that I have one, but I would, obviously, in the romantic comedy), you would be like "girlfriend, don't even worry about it! You're too fierce to be sad! Work it!" and then we would go get a manicure on our lunch break or something.
I know you have actual friends and more to your life than the secondary or tertiary role in my imaginary movie. But can't I still pretend sometimes?
*almost always Black or Latina, only Asian if the filmmakers claim to be "breaking stereotypes"