Saturday, May 2, 2009

Dear New Apartment,


[photo courtesy groovnick]


Dear New Apartment,

You were so full of promise, just three weeks ago. I arrived with my boxes and bags and you met me with sun-filled windows and the promise of a roommate-free life.

How can so much go wrong in so little time?

I checked everything before I moved in. Every light switch, every faucet, every window. And yet, in the past three weeks, nearly every piece of this apartment has fallen apart at the seams. The electricity's gone out, the bedroom window's fallen, both sinks have started dripping, the hall light's burned out, the faucet runs, the freezer doesn't freeze, the toilet's woken me with gurgles in the night, and the oven's simply never worked at all.

Through all of this, I have been the model of patience, New Apartment.

But today, you took matters to a level previously unseen.

Today, you crossed a line.

Today, the internet stopped working.

And now? Now you have gone too far.

With great concern and consternation,
Laurie

4 comments:

miss clover said...

frak, girl!

i can handle many things, but don't you dare take my internet!

so sorry your place is falling apart... i am here for you!
xoxo

John A said...

Have you perhaps considered that you are cursed? I suggest procuring a medium posthaste.

Your Ill-fitting Overcoat said...

I literally discover at least one new thing every day. I have my landlord on speed dial. I love this apartment, but it's almost making me miss my old place where at least a few things worked.

Kinslerbot said...

GASP!!!!!!!

 

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