[photo by MAXimum talent...it's based in Denver. I don't have to say anything else]
Dear Greg Sestero (aka"Mark" from The Room),
I can't go on another minute without confessing something. I have a crush on you...big time. Ever since I laid eyes on you (last Friday) in the cinematic masterpiece The Room, I can't think of any one else. What is it about you that captivates me? Is it your perfectly trimmed "I haven't had time to shave for exactly 2.5 days" facial hair? Could it be the way you ALWAYS look like you are from the mid-90's? Or is it simply your acting skills, which (let's be honest) pretty much suck, but look AMAZING next to Tommy Wiseau's performance?
I think we would make a great match because we are both hot, obviously share a love of bad movies and like to "throw the football around."* Also, I have slept with A LOT of actors,** so I feel that I could please you.
Please write me back.
You are literally TEARING ME APART GREG,***
*Not a euphemism people, just a movie reference.
**"A LOT" is obviously subjective...but then again so is "actor."
***Replace the name "Greg" with "Lisa" and you have an actual line from The Room. Brava Mr. Wiseau...brava.